Remembrances of things past: toward a clinical understanding of representations of ex-romantic partners

The primary aim of this study was to investigate the nature of the representations individuals maintain of ex-romantic partners. A multi-part survey (Representations of Past Significant Others; ROPSO) about the ways in which individuals remember a past significant relationship was disseminated via social media and networking. An attachment status measure was also administered. A total of 2,203 respondents, with a mean age of 30.6 and predominantly identifying as white, heterosexual, female, and from the United States, completed the survey. Findings indicated that individuals continue to evoke frequent, moderately vivid representations of an ex-partner even years following the breakup. These representations tend to be evoked by songs, anniversaries of special events, and feelings of loneliness; feature reflections about whether the ex-partner thinks about them and thoughts of both good and hard times experienced; and include feelings of fear, guilt, remorse, and shame. Women, those who are currently single, have higher anxiety levels, who report greater initiative in ending the relationship and who experience less closure are all more likely to evoke representations of their ex. Implications for therapeutic work with those suffering from the loss of a partner, including acknowledging the client’s strengths and reviewing ongoing relational patterns, are considered.