“I am a guest man in a world of women”: The lived experiences of gay fathers utilizing human milk donations for their babies

This study explores the lived experiences of gay fathers in Israel who receive human milk donations for their infants born abroad through surrogacy. Unlike regulated milk banks, peer-to-peer milk sharing is an informal, unregulated practice often facilitated through online platforms, where health risks and personal trust become central concerns. Using a phenomenological multiple case study approach, semi-structured interviews were conducted with eight families, yielding four main themes: (1) Interruption versus continuity, (2) Lack and compensation, (3) Inclusion and exclusion, and (4) Concrete and symbolic attributes of human milk. Guided by Judith Butler's queer theory and Karl Marx's conflict theory, this study shows how these fathers both conform to and disrupt traditional gender norms. Their pursuit of human milk not only addresses infant health needs but also challenges conventional boundaries of caregiving and reproductive labor, creating a counter-narrative to traditional family structures. The findings reveal that the fathers' actions blur established gender roles, embody a nurturing role traditionally associated with mothers, and assert their parental legitimacy within a heteronormative society. This study highlights how human milk sharing fosters connections between LGBTQ + families and human milk donors, introducing new models of family, kinship, and caregiving. The research expands understandings of non-traditional parenting and human milk sharing, offering insights into the cultural and social complexities of family dynamics in Israeli society.