Conditional Regard in Development and Relationships

This chapter focuses on conditional regard as an influence practice in parenting, at school, and among romantic partners. It distinguishes between conditional negative regard (CNR), giving less affection and esteem when others do not comply with one’s expectations, and conditional positive regard (CPR), giving more affection and esteem when others comply. As CPR involves positive emotional reinforcement, behaviorally oriented theorists may view it as a benign and useful practice. However, research shows that CPR, and not only CNR, leads to serious performance, emotional, and relational costs. These negative effects occur because these practices provide a diluted and provisional experience of relatedness satisfaction at the cost of significant autonomy frustration. These need experiences then lead to stressful and resentful internalization, which underlies most of the negative effects of conditional regard. Additionally, the chapter discusses potential antecedents and moderators of conditional regard along with conceptual clarifications and challenges as a basis for future research.